


Refusing to Dream

by andrewiel



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, in a weird way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9919049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrewiel/pseuds/andrewiel
Summary: It’s not a big bed, not at all, but when it’s just them laying there, suddenly it feels as if it were built to fit someone of Andrew’s height and someone of Neil’s.(Or: Neil has nightmares, so Andrew and Neil fall asleep together.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So I'm really, really, really new here. I just now started reading The King's Men, so I'm not quite done the series. But I love Neil and Andrew so much (along with every other character), so when I woke up this morning with a quick idea of Andrew and Neil falling asleep together, I had to write it.
> 
> Please forgive me as I begin to work out these characters.

Andrew said he’d protect him. Andrew said he’d watch his back. Andrew said he’d be there.

Neil hadn’t thought about the boundaries, hadn’t thought about the limits to Andrew’s words before. Was there anything he wouldn’t protect him from?

He was one step closer to figuring it out that day during practice. He was tired. He was tired because he hadn’t slept. He hadn’t slept because he had a nightmare again and woke with a start, and he refused to put himself back in a position where he was helpless to so much fear.

The past few nights he’s barely blinked. This wouldn’t be a problem, not really, except that he critically needs his sleep to be strong and alert on the court.

But a week or so of refusing to dream has taken its toll on him.

Everyone can notice, the whole team begging him to ditch dinner plans and go straight to bed.

It’s only Andrew who knows, however, even though Neil hadn’t breathed a word about why he was so tired.

His locker slams shut by someone else’s accord, but Neil knows it’s Andrew before he even sees him, so he doesn’t flinch, and lets his eyes automatically drop the distance to Andrew’s.

“You’re not sleeping,” Andrew says, airing his voice as curious even though Neil knows he isn't. “What is it? Freddy Krueger?”

“You could say that,” Neil sighs, reaching for his bag and swinging it over his shoulder. “I’m fine. I’ve tired myself out from practice. Tonight should be easier.”

Andrew shakes his head. “Such pretty eyes, Neil. There’s so much more to be looking at than the ceiling above your bed.”

Neil turns away a little, not wanting to speak too loud even though he isn’t talking about anything serious. “These dreams are just - unsettling. I can’t tell reality from a nightmare. It takes me too long to figure it out. When I do, it’s morning.”

It’s a long moment of consideration, Andrew tapping his fingers against his chin, and then he nods.

“Well, who knew somebody so thickheaded could be so afraid of a dream.”

He plays with the strap of Neil’s bag, then turns around without saying anything.

-

And Neil thought that was it.

But after night practice, when Neil, Kevin and Andrew head back to their rooms, Andrew keeps following Neil.

“Andrew,” Kevin says from his doorway. It’s a plea and a question all at once.

Andrew doesn’t look back, choosing to wave him off instead.

And Neil would ask.

But then there’s a prompting hand on the small of his back, getting him to start walking again towards his room.

Matt is still awake, looking confused and a bit scared when the two step inside, but not as confused as Neil feels. Andrew marches to their bedroom, cheerfully shouting over his shoulder, “Thanks for being such a good sport, Matt! Volunteering to sleep on the couch. What a champ!”

Matt looks even more confused, about to protest, about to yell out a million questions, but when Andrew marches over to Matt’s bed and rips his blanket off, turning briskly to hand it to him, all of Matt goes quiet.

In the doorway of the bedroom, Matt leans down closer to Neil, helplessly and questioningly whispering, “Neil?”

Neil just shrugs, not sure what this is, but knowing it’s not what Matt thinks.

Once the door closes behind them, Andrew stands there with his arms folded, waiting as patiently as Andrew can wait. His eyes dart towards Neil’s dresser.

Neil sighs, goes to his dresser and digs around for sweatpants, changing into them with his back to Andrew. He can still feel Andrew’s eyes on him.

His bed is hardly big enough to fit him, but Andrew manages to find a spot.

It’s not a big bed, not at all, but when it’s just them laying there, suddenly it feels as if it were built to fit someone of Andrew’s height and someone of Neil’s.

“Sleep,” Andrew instructs, stern but quiet.

Neil nods, puts his head on the pillow, all too aware of the few inches between them. Andrew doesn’t touch him, but Neil knows he’s there.

They’re sharing a blanket. Neil hasn’t shared a blanket with another body since -

Since his mother, and that wasn’t about choice. That was the only option when there were no other blankets or beds.

Andrew has his own just down the hall.

But here he is, sharing Neil’s.

“Sleep,” Andrew says again, as if he can tell Neil’s eyes are wide open on the wall. Neil feels his words against the back of his neck.

His tense shoulders slowly unwind.

Then he hears, or he thinks he hears - he must be going delusional, making things up, dreaming already - but he swears on his life that Andrew says, “I’m here.”

He shuts his eyes, and feels Andrew’s eyes on him.

If his are open, then Neil’s can be closed.

The last thing he feels or hears is the shuddering sound of Andrew’s breath, right against the back of his neck.

-

A door bangs open outside at some point in time, jolting Neil awake and upright, and unfortunately making him deliver a crushing blow with his elbow to Andrew’s ribs.

Forgetting that Andrew was there, he yelps, thrashes, and Andrew makes a move as if to attack back, but after a long, heavy moment his posture fades into careless again.

He’s too drowsy to decipher the look Andrew gives him, but he knows it’s sour. Andrew mutters dark words, then shoves at Neil’s shoulder to push him back down to the pillow.

When he wakes up to early morning sunshine, his bed is empty, save for himself.

He touches the sheets where Andrew was, wondering if he dreamed him too, and drifts back off.

-

He thought that was it, knowing he hadn’t dreamt it because Matt was grumpy with him all morning, sending him scandalized looks whenever he thought Neil wasn’t looking.

He thought that was it, but before practice Andrew is on him immediately, holding his chin in his hand and standing on his tiptoes to peer into his eyes.

“You survived another night.”

“No Freddy Krueger.”

Andrew smiles, still holding Neil’s chin. “You talk in your sleep, you know.”

Andrew’s smile grows wider when Neil stiffens.

“You also snore. Next time I’m bringing earplugs.”

Next time.

Neil didn’t realize how bad he was hoping for a next time until those words left Andrew’s lips.

That night though, Andrew sleeps in his own bed, and Neil sleeps in his. He doesn’t even have a nightmare thankfully, but he doesn’t exactly sleep. He hasn’t had another body in his bed in years, but suddenly it’s all that’s familiar and he wants it back.

Andrew makes a ‘tsk’ noise when he sees him the next morning at practice. He says nothing to Neil, and instead shouts over his shoulder, “Hey Nicky! Do you have any earplugs I could borrow? Neil and I will need them.”

The whole team looks at them, and Neil would blush maybe if what they were thinking were true.

He doesn’t follow Neil to his room that night, and Neil’s heart sinks a bit.

Matt knows exactly what he’s thinking of, watching Neil stare at the door, because he asks, “Are those earplugs Andrew was talking about for me by any chance?”

Neil frowns. “What? Why?”

“. . . you guys . . ?”

Neil does blush then, and ducks his head, waving a dismissive hand.

There’s a knock on the door sometime later, and Matt answers it since he’s the closest. Neil thinks maybe it’s Kevin, but then he hears that voice, that awful voice he likes so much, loudly declaring, “Good evening, Matt. I hope your couch is comfy!”

Andrew walks in, wearing sweats and a hoodie and just the image of him makes Neil sleepy. He’s never been eager for sleep before.

Andrew waits for him to climb up. It takes a bit of fidgeting before they’re comfortable and settled. Then they lay there in silence, both with their heads on the pillow, looking up. Neil soon turns his gaze on Andrew, studying the outline of his face in the dark. Andrew takes out a lighter from somewhere, plays with it, a small flicker of orange igniting his face every now and then.

Neil realizes it’s so Andrew doesn’t look at him.

“Go to sleep,” Andrew orders, and Neil nods, but he can’t quite look away from Andrew, wanting to make sure he’s really there, so he sleeps facing him.

He can feel Andrew’s glare and confusion even with his eyes shut.

But even with Andrew there, he has a nightmare. Dark and clawing and like heavy grey mud, pulling him down and sinking him until reality is so far from view he can’t breathe. He makes himself wake up with a start.

Andrew is still there, wide awake it seems, which makes him wonder if he slept for long or not.

He’s panting and gasping, struggling, looking so helpless at the boy beside him.

Andrew says nothing. All he does is push at Neil’s shoulder and turn him to face the wall.

Which is the last thing Neil wants to do.

Except then there’s a body right behind him, touching him, and there’s no guessing as to whether or not Andrew is there.

Andrew wraps his arms around him, tucks his legs behind his, and presses his mouth to the back of Neil’s neck. Not a kiss, but a breath, and another breath, warm and alive and real.

He doesn’t need to be told to go back to sleep. He believes in this reality enough.

-

He’s never there when Neil wakes up. That’s one factor that doesn’t change, no matter the hour, no matter the day. Matt tells him he usually leaves an hour before Neil’s up, silent and quick and then gone like he was never there.

Neil wants to ask him to stay longer, tell him that there’s no use in separating when they wake up to do the same thing and go to the same place, but he doesn’t want to give it all up either. Once Andrew realizes that Neil doesn’t need this anymore, and instead _wants_ it, it’ll all be over.

He’ll never show up again, and Neil will never sleep with peace.

It’s never really spoken about, not between them, though the rest of the team is having a field day with wild and untrue theories. He won’t stop them from thinking whatever they think, because he doesn’t want them to know the truth.

The only time it’s acknowledged is in the morning before practice.

Neil’s tongue burns with all the unsaid words, the pleas, the need to say _stay._

Andrew cups his face, either by the chin or around his cheeks, looks into his eyes, and decides something for himself.

Whatever he sees determines if he’ll show up that night.

No night is the same, no night is consecutive, but they all make him feel a certain way - safe.

Sometimes they have to sleep on the couch, with Neil laying and Andrew sitting. Sometimes Neil can’t fall asleep, so they just lay there, doing nothing and saying nothing and feeling everything.

And sometimes Neil wakes with such violent starts that he jerks upright, panting for air because he couldn’t breathe in his dream, hating his past so much for trying to push its way into his future. Fighting to differentiate between a dream and reality is hard when he’s experienced his nightmares firsthand.

If that sometimes happens, well, Andrew’s hand is always there.

Flat against his chest, fingertips digging in until Neil can feel them like they’re under his skin, staying there until everything else fades out.

He wonders, in those brief moments before sleep, if Andrew’s touch actually helps or not. Warm skin and firm hands should pull him right into reality, away from grey and black and fog and clouds and monsters, but they just confuse him.

There’s just no way this could be real, not for him, not from _him_.

He wonders about it until he falls asleep.

-

Then one day that knock on the door at midnight stops.

He waits for it, he lays in bed and stays awake until his eyes refuse to stay open, and he doesn’t ask Andrew about it because Andrew wouldn’t tell him anyways.

Every night that Andrew doesn’t show up Neil relives the nights that he did, remembering how his hands felt, how his breath felt, how it felt to sleep with another person in his bed. It was a reality, it happened, he knows it did, so when he relives it in his sleep, he keeps on dreaming, not even knowing that he is.

Then one day Andrew greets him with, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! My, don’t you look well rested today.”

Before the door of opportunity to talk about it closes, Neil stares at him and asks, “Why’d you do it?”

Andrew grins. “Two options. I’ll let you contemplate,” he says, stepping closer, closer than he’s been in a while. “One; your bed is comfier than mine. Or two; I promised you protection, didn’t I? Even if it was against your own thick head.”

Neil swallows, hard, and continues to stare at Andrew. “Well, thanks. They’re gone now.”

Andrew’s smile grows two sizes as his hand comes up, grasping the side of Neil’s face for inspection.

“Oh no, silly Neil. They’re still there,” he says, almost sounding threatening. “But now they’re about me. So what’s to be afraid of?”

Neil’s mouth falls open, and Andrew’s smile bumps up another size, but he’s turning around and walking away before Neil can say anything.

It hadn’t made sense until now. It’s still deep and foggy and so hard to breathe, but sleeping doesn’t scare him.

Because now his dreams are made of a reality he’s had, a reality he wants, and he doesn’t need to tell the difference between waking and sleeping.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback would be super appreciated, this being a new fandom and all. Thanks for reading! [ Here](https://andrewiel.tumblr.com/post/157704113771/refusing-to-dream-andrewneil) it is on Tumblr if you wanna reblog!


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